Heart that’s pounding…

Heart that’s pounding…

Sally Seltmann sings of ‘…having a shot at the best day of her life’, before it is prematurely ripped from her hands. We all have a shot, in every moment, at the best days of our lives and all too often it is us that prematurely rip them away.

What’s love got to do with it? Nothing and everything. We need love to exist, to have a reason for being and to feel good. And with the bitter, there is the sweet. As the weather gets warmer, I am reminded of the energy of the heart. It gets broken once open, leaving it vulnerable and exposed. So why do we go there time and time again?

In terms of dreamers, we are a bunch of them. ‘To sleep, perchance to dream’ says Will Shakespeare. We all need a heart, even though it can be broken – because it’s a two edged sword. The flipside of love is fear; we can’t have one without the other. Are we vulnerable enough to live within this dichotomy? Essentially vulnerability is all there is – it takes great risk in order for great reward to happen. One of my favourite yoga teachers started one of her courses with the following suggestion: ‘allow your heart to break every day’. And there is a beauty in that, in allowing yourself to fall in love with the smallest things; such as the magic and fragility of a butterfly taking flight. It cares not for who it may run into along the way; it just does its thing.  

And the more we do our thing, the more we grow and experience life. ‘Feeling the love’ is about facing fear on all levels. I was super scared of an ‘it’s a knockout’ (apologies if you didn’t grow up in the eighties) type pool party ride. I’d almost made it back to my car, but then in a heartbeat I pulled out my bikini and a makeshift towel and made for the pool. Thinking of that butterfly I mentioned earlier, I ran for it and yes – stacked it magnificently along the way. And what did I fall into? A beautiful refreshing swimming pool – cue me smiling stupidly as I drove to see a friend for dessert. The fear picture in our heads is always a gazillion times worse than the experience in reality.

And the truth is that we are never alone and the truest truth is that we must love ourselves and grant ourselves the gift of wholeness, in order to have space for others. I had to take this pool party challenge for myself, bikini self-consciousness coupled with fear of falling still didn’t stand in my way. The energetic properties of the heart are communication and strength. Being strong in your own will to say what you need, to listen to your gut – even if it may mean risking rejection.

So, in the words of Roxette, ‘listen to your heart when he’s calling for you’. Many people will cross our path and we all have our crosses to bear, but allow your load to lighten by taking the risk of allowing your heart to break. And in the process, you may just have more than one shot at many ‘best days’ in life.

About a Boy

So there’s this boy – as there often is in our lives, some despised, others desperately doted upon, they are there. The one I am talking of is a stranger that I got chatting to over a wine barrel – sober mind you – at a local café a few days ago.

Since that spontaneous lunch date, this mysterious man has mysteriously appeared in my travels on two other random occasions. Note to you valued readers, this sort of thing is weird as it never usually happens, even though I do live in a small town. Weirder still: on the more recent occasion, I was pulling into my driveway. So he now knows not only where I live, but also met one of my best mates. Laughing out loud as said best friend and I were both like ‘what the?’ Hollywood eat your heart out right.

Life should be nothing if not amazing. And love in all its fumbles and fantasies should never be something that we shroud in fear. When I approached my friends this evening to entertain them with this story, I also posed the question: is it fate or just merely coincidence? Like in any situation, there exists light and dark, black and white. After having had my heart broken, these last few serendipitous occasions have been like a balm for me.

I am on the side of fate in terms of the question that I posed this evening. Magical rather than mathematical is how I choose to view life. So enjoy your crushes and don’t be afraid to let life be magical. 

Homecoming Queen

Where were you yesterday? Now that my heart is wide and free and my lips have room to wonder.

‘Hootie and the Blowfish’ are many things to me, but mostly they are my go to cd when I need a cuddle. Music has that amazing power to lift us to that place where we always belong – home. For me, yesterday, seeing a snap of the Sydney Dance Company literally turned my stomach with homesickness.  Some things are never meant to lay dormant in our hearts for too long. But how do we bridge that gap between meeting our hearts desires and being where we are? If home is where the heart is, can home truly be anywhere?

 Things often don’t turn out as they have done in the past, as our world; just like ourselves, exist in a constant state of change.  The best is yet to come, but we need to slow down and smell the roses.  A god friend of mine used to tell me to change the record, you know the one in your head that tells you to stay safe and do what you have always done.  Changing a record leads to a new beginning, as we come to realise that pearls can only be found if we take the time to open the oyster. By this analogy I mean that stopping and taking stock should be part of life’s little rule book.

There is a new record in every one’s brain…it’s in the act of our wandering eyes, our daydreams and our random smiles for no reason. These all come from a sacred place within us. Why do we let the things we hold sacred slip through our fingers? We deserve so much more than we ever allow for ourselves. Letting a desire take its course is a risk worth taking, whilst holding on to what is true within us. Trust in the madness and uncertainty, shake hands with a stranger.

I revisited the concept of ‘satya’ on the drive to Beechworth today and was reminded of the importance of truth.  If, at the end of the day, we can come home to ourselves, then we are never truly lost. For me, the ballet barre may now be further away, but it’s reality and memories are always firmly at home in my heart.  And other oysters have presented themselves to me – Beechworth being one of them. A town that was born on dreams: the gold rush era. Walking through this town, tasting its honey and breathing in the air of its cobbled streets, I can’t help but be reminded that our ancestors have paved the way for us to dream big.

So, like ‘Hootie and the Blowfish’ say so well, let your heart be wide and free. You are home.

Blue Crush

After having spent a weekend in Sydney doing what I love, I am reminded of the little things that grow into the big things we call us. This weekend was about dharma. In layman’s terms, this means our true path in life. At the completion of my short few days, I had mine: ‘I embrace vulnerability’.  Choosing to be an environmentalist and a yoga teacher are two professions that call for vulnerability – they make up the job description whether we like it or not.  So vulnerability to me more than anything means opening ourselves to the world.

Make my life matter, these things matter to me as they both ground me – they ground all of us I believe. The willows in the backyard of my childhood were magical. They mattered to me as they helped me to let go of the unnecessary cruelties that call befall us as we grow up.  They matter to me now even more so than they mattered to me then. I still have the little girl naivety that the planet matters to all people due to its sheer beauty. Walks in nature and swims in the ocean connected me back to me.

 I was reminded of the importance of living from love, rather than fear. With love, we can do many things, but the opposite is true when it comes to fear. It’s scary leaving behind what we know, especially when the destination is unclear. Risks are scary, but a pre requisite for rewards.  The scariest thing is to not do anything in the face of fear. Prime example being going for what we want in life, we hold the reigns.  And the funny thing is we often get what we ask for.

Yoga, like a tree, is all about foundations. The air we breathe allows us to be who we are. Our foundation comes from mother earth. Our ability to take a balance pose like tree comes from trusting in the earth below to support us. And trust is the key to walking along the yellow brick road of life. Our opportunity to look after both ourselves and our planet is literally on our doorsteps now. Whatever part of the planet matters to you, make your voice heard - -loudly and proudly. I have a big, great blue crush on the ocean. It is my playground, my solace and my inspiration.  For me, it feeds me as a yoga teacher and in turn allows me to give back to my students.

A balanced life requires that we play. Just because we grow into adults does not mean that we should throw our book of fun out the car window. So play in the playground that you cherish. Hold in your heart the joy that this gives you, regardless of the unclear path ahead. Forge forward and fight for your playground, your balance and your joy.

Namaste x  

La Dolce Vita

Spring story

Back story: Fish Out of Water Yoga Retreats

I moved away from coastal Sydney in order to pursue yoga.  To spend two weeks immersed in the lifestyle on the Sunshine Coast, which for me brought about an undiscovered peace.  I would then be living in Albury for longer than I had planned, as is often the case. Taking the fish from her water meant that she had to find other places of bliss, which she did. The King Valley is a little pocket of ‘La Dolce Vita’ due to the influx of Italians that found themselves here. I am not Italian, yet I feel it is part of my heritage – as my mum feels drawn to the area also.  The way that they love, cook and just enjoy life in general.  For me running retreats here is my way of sharing this with others.  Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. And we all need to be treated. Rather than deserving of this, which suggests we need to earn it, bliss is our birthright. Societally, we do not do this. Rather, we overlook the need to nurture ourselves. This coming weekend is focused on the element of wood. This is about patience, new growth and flexibility. We will be doing restorative yoga classes, along with learning some restorative practices. There will also be cannoli making, walks in nature and time for reflection. Si I hope you can join me in celebrating a beautiful spring. Xoxo Bel

He said, she said...

'I could say that I'd always be there for you, but I've got a life ahead of me and I'm only 22...'.Lily Allen summed it up for me tonight. Words for me are funny things, as they often mask what is really going on underneath. A wise man once said that nothing is certain except death and taxes. And what's more funny is how scared we are of death when life can have it's moments of 'get me off the merry go round'. Like right now, when I take comfort in returning to my writing, listening to the rain and eating apricot jam toast as I take a breath
Just over a year ago, I did think I wanted to always be there for someone who I fell for over coffee and conversation at a local cafe. And when that faded for me, things felt like they went from blissful to bitter in seconds.
It's nothing short of a miracle that I ended up finding my new home here, as whatever we need to face in life will be there for us. And I needed to learn honestly and love. Love for myself has led me to leaving the love I had for another. Taking a brutal look in the mirror has led me to realise that there is nothing to fear in being brave. As a little girl, my nan would often bang on about the importance of bravery in the face of bullies. And I still have that with me today, thanks to my amazingly brave nan who herself suffered at the hands of a violent husband. And she kept smiling, along with being an amazing nurturer. I came to realise that I was trying to nurture my partner, while missing the nurturing that I myself so dearly needed. My nan, mum, friends and teachers have all been amazingly brave and strong role models for me. So much so that I realised I needed a soul mate, rather than a wound mate...thankyou to Caroline Myss for this reference.
So with each passing day, I am learning just a little more to not only listen but to trust in my own innate wisdom. He said 'you didn't try to understand me' and I said 'goodbye'. Goodnight dreamers and may we all be strong enough to say goodbye at the right time. 

The cherry on top

Preferably atop a pistachio gelato. But not till next week...clean living this week...for the most part anyway.  As the rain starts to fall outside, it has led me to going within. Laughable but my check in on facebook...yes shameful but true...reminded me of my dance studio's proximity to Balmain. Regrets...those things from the past that every now and then can niggle. In a case of divine timing, this latest regret comes on the back foot of my Nida week. And one of the strongest reminders from last week was to keep moving forward in life. Experiences and opportunities do knock more than once.
What we lose also leads us to gain in other ways. Inspiration in buckets has come my way and being back home has reminded me to 'stay golden'. One of my favourite protagonists, Holden Caulfield, mad as he is, reminds us that there are precious things...that reside in our heart. The heart that is warmed by coming back to Sydney Dance Company and breathing in the black plastic underneath my skin. The fact that, despite three hours of sleep, this is the only place I want to be right now. Because it is gold. It is a moving forward...knowing that this will always be my home, even when I am far from it. A fellow golden soul told me that, even though I may be away from here, it will always be in my heart. And the teacher whose class I am about to attend was also the one who reminded me the importance of stepping away.
The challenge is finding the boogie despite the boundaries.  It's a chance for me to try new styles and to face other fears. Scared to my skin about teaching this year...Drama teaching. Because it questions the foundations at the same time of being amazingly inspiring.
So moving forward by being brave, staying golden by nourishing myself and getting back to my roots regularly.
I'll keep you posted peeps xx