Love and other catastrophes...turning life on its head

Note to self...do not do two intense yoga classes on just a banana and a Spanish latte from Urth cafe. Post class I literally inhaled a piece of chocolate cake from said cafe before lunch. Lol...I think the good I did with double yoga was possibly undone by this act. But what I did feel was challenged. Not by the chocolate cake but by the classes. As the sweat dripped onto my mat, all sense of self pride went out the window somewhat.  In the first class, which was literally packed to the rafters; the sense of self confidence overtook any preoccupation with appearance.
Handstand is a pose that has scared the beejesus out of me for as long as I can remember. I think it comes from the fear of falling thing. And today..I did five..in a row, on my own! Excuse the brag moment here, but I definitely gave myself an internal high five. I overcame a fear. And the how..not thinking about it too much, setting a strong foundation and smiling. The gift that yoga is to me lies in the options it creates in overcoming obstacles. And as a teacher, sometimes I can get a bit stuck in terms of my own practice. So my little competitive streak kicks in somewhat when I am sorrounded by fellow yogis. And there is something about doing your yoga thing in a class setting. As a teacher in New York put it to me, you are sharing a moment of intimacy with complete strangers. Which really is liberating if you think about it. You are an unknown and as such, can create yourself anew. So for me that meant taking on a stronger practice, creating a new edge for myself so to speak.
There is a famous saying along the lines of doing something every day that scares you. And when you do, stuff happens. You discover parts of yourself you didn't know you had. And it gives you a new lease on life in terms of perserverance. Jump over one hurdle and then comes another. Hopefuly with some chocolate cake in between.
It is said that love is the flipside of fear. To live from the heart means to feel. And I guess falling is part and parcel of that.
So as I continue to soak up all that this great city of Santa Monica, my hope is that as a global community we can all turn our world upside down once in a while.

Sweet surrender…Ishwara Pranidhana

       

‘If you surrender, you cannot fail’, so spoke the words of Akash…giving me the best insurance policy round. What’s more, the only thing it cost me was my time. Sometimes I think I’m ready until I find myself second guessing my path. But in the next breath, I feel this unbelievable sense of being held, supported and understood.  I often say to my students that ‘the universe is unfolding as it should’. And at times I feel that sense of contradiction both in my teaching and in my understanding.

But the easier I am on myself, the easier the road becomes.  Akash’s daughter Radha sings a beautiful song whose following line I feel sums this up: ‘...It’s gonna take a jump off a cliff with a prayer on your lips and a wide open mind’.  The heart for me sometimes dumbfounds me and at times I don’t want to listen to it. To a certain extent, listening to my heart means running with the wolves so to speak.  She is an unchecked fire, a beast who wishes to remain untamed. Which begs the question, why do we or should we tame ourselves?  Surrender is an act of jumping on the wolf’s back. And funnily enough, it does provide more of a money back guarantee than the book of your past ever will.

The present is a gift so I am told. In earth warrior, the strength of this pose lies in acknowledging the paths that lie both in our past and future; whilst remaining with a strong foundation in the now.  It requires an open heart, as this to me is, excuse the pun, at the heart of the pose. Sting sung about the fortresses we place around our heart.  And there are definitely times when I feel want to run away. From things, people and places that can break my heart.  But the funny thing is that life exists in dichotomies. Black and white, pleasure and pain, fear and love.  Unchecked passion can run amok and I guess for me the balance is found in silence and stillness.  Despite all the promises in the world, we can and will get hurt. It’s sort of a given when we are placed here. It’s the fine print in our acceptance letter so to speak.

Surrender is sweet as it offers us that metaphorical post break up box of chocolates – without the calories. None of us are ever alone. And if we trust, we will receive many proverbial cherries atop our cakes.  And that’s the best fine print of all.

‘I want the fairytale…

‘Impossible’…came the reply from a lovestruck but cynical Richard Gere in the greatest eighties flick ‘Pretty Woman’. And of course we all know that indeed he saw the error of his ways and so went about rectifying previous statement. Cue shortly thereafter a man facing his fear, climbing a staircase and presenting his beloved with a bunch of red roses…

There’s reality and reality. I like to think that it comes down to perspective.  We are taught growing up to dream big and to believe in ourselves. But what if somewhere along the way we stop doing both of these things? I knew from the moment I stepped inside my first dance class for example that it felt like home. Before too long I was practicing my pirouettes on the balcony of my first share house. Fairytales do take faith and, like good theatre, a suspension of disbelief.  My favourite teacher reminded me before she left the sunny shores of Sydney to ‘never lose my drive’. And her words still stay with me to this day. We are the drivers of our lives. Sometimes we let go of the wheel, but hopefully something or someone brings us back home.

For me it’s many things. I love the fact that we get a clean slate with each sunrise. I love that listening to a piece of music can bring me to tears. No matter how many times I hear ‘The Shipping Song’ by Nick Cave, it always melts me. And I love that I can get paid to do what I love…yoga is all of those things. A beautiful piece of music in the background combined with a pose that will shift your perspective and maybe change your life. And fortunately, although at times I feel the opposite to be true, my life has been turned upside down.

This week began with a reminder of the niyama of swadyaya or self study. The more I look sometimes, the more confronting the truth can be. But the weird thing is, the more you trust, the more magic will happen. I’m writing this as a pertinent reminder to myself at the moment.

We are the princes and princesses in our own fairytales, but sometimes trusting in this can feel like coming face to face with the big bad wolf. Let go and dive in…prepare to be dazzled by your dreams rather than disgruntled.

Your love walks with me…love without the fine print

As I ran in my sleep deprived state this morning, I was blissed out by one of the phrases from a song called ‘Birds’. To paraphrase, she talks about the ability to look into the eyes of another and smile…deeply, truly and openly. I think the word ‘openly’ is what encapsulates it.  I taught my students yesterday about the heart meridian that is looked at in summer. Giving them a heart opening stretch, I left in a state of bliss. Not that this in itself was anything unusual. When you set yourself free, you set others free also. And bliss comes from celebrating and trusting in what lies deeply in your heart.

The heart doesn’t contain judgement, fear or expectation.  I’d never been a believer in reincarnation prior to starting yoga training.  Whereas now I feel like I see loved ones who I have lost in many different beings. At the risk of sounding a bit hippy and out there…. Take my run this morning. Sweaty and euphoric, I was mesmerised by the birds flying along my path. They remind me of every soul that has ever spoken words of freedom to me. The souls that bless my life by loving me.  To let another in is to take a risk somewhat.

And risky business is the stuff dreams are made of. Risk nothing and then there is nothing to gain. We gain so much by giving and being open. Looking back on my short life so far, of course there are those memories of heart break. But they do also serve to make us who we are.  As I thought about tapasya this week, I asked what it was that I needed to do. Before going further, tapasya to me means to sift, surrender and be strong.  And strangely enough my tapasya was being kinder to myself. Rather than waking up and forcing myself into a fierce practice, it meant treating myself to a sesame oil massage and cup of tea. Tenderness is at times the most confronting thing to cross our path because it offers us a chance to simply allow.

Tapasya will test us. But we are our own best warrior. It just takes some sifting and persistence.